Valentine’s Day is just around the corner—a time when happy couples put on self-aggrandizing performances showcasing their perfect relationships and the rest of us are reminded how much love sucks.
Dating apps are hot commodities during the eight weeks preceding February 14th, and while your love life might currently be non-existent, this could be the prime time to get back in the game. If you’re feverishly swiping, clicking and rating potential love interests and having no success, there’s a chance your dating profile sucks. Here are seven reasons why and what you can do about them.
1. You Don’t Seem Approachable
Posh Spice mastered the pout so that you don’t have to. Next time you’re uploading photos to your dating profile, make sure you look approachable. A nice smile makes you appear both friendly and confident, but smile or no smile your face shouldn’t seem irrevocably frozen. No one wants to date someone who seems permanently uncomfortable, so put your best face forward and try to look welcoming for a change.
2. You’re on the Wrong App
Why do you have a dating profile? There’s a breadth of dating apps on the market and each one has a different angle. If you’re looking for casual encounters, Tinder could fit the bill. Looking for a safer dating context? Try Bumble or Siren, where women hold the power and thus feel more at ease. And if you want to align your professional standing with your romantic partner, then the (somewhat elitist) League App is the way to go.
3. You’ve Neglected Your Bio
Would you swipe to an empty profile? Photos are great, but if dating apps are the fast-track to love, you’ll want to know a bit about the person you’re swiping “yes” to. A complete profile means more views, so don’t let laziness get in the way of love. If there’s a character limit, keep it short and interesting.
4. You Have No Good Photos
Emphasis on good. Oh, and did you notice the plural form here? Most dating profiles allow for more than one pic, so upload a few nice shots of yourself. Don’t head to the bathroom to take a mirror selfie. That’s an absolute no-no. And while we’re at it, keep your clothes on, too. Have a friend take some photos of you, and please don’t include your entire squad in the background.
5. You’re Trying the Humanitarian Act
Seriously, stop posting photos of yourself at Tiger Kingdom. And choose another platform for advertising your humanitarian superpowers. Not only do those photos illustrate everything that’s wrong with animal domesticity and voluntourism, they also rarely reflect you as a person. Oh, and while we’re at it, drop your animal props. Except for dogs, maybe.
6. You’re Ranting Incessantly
Rants are not sexy. Period. Why would you want to portray yourself as a negative person from the get-go? Your dating profile is not the place to complain about the hurdles of dating, your ex’s pet peeves or your lost faith in humanity. Drama and bitterness just aren’t attractive.
7. You’re a Master of Fiction
We all embellish our anecdotes every now and then. Careful about dressing up your dating profile in flat-out lies, though. Bogus profiles are already screwing up the integrity of numerous dating sites, so keep yours as real as possible. After all, the truth is going to get out eventually, and you’re much more likely to score that second date if your match doesn’t feel tricked and deceived. Whether you’re tweaking your age, height or wealth, virtual fiction won’t make up for missed opportunities in the real world.
There you have it. Seven things to avoid if you don’t want your dating profile to suck. Still skeptical? We can’t blame you—whatever happened to simple and authentic romantic interactions?
If you think virtual love blows, you’ll probably draw a nostalgic crowd on a platform like onlinedating.sucks.
If dating apps are only landing you headaches, you can vent about those frustrations as well. Perhaps one too many users have sent you unwelcome pick-up lines that have you unmatching faster than you can say “no thanks”.
Tell the world about it at yourpickupline.sucks or yourtindergame.sucks—the opportunities are endless.
Have your own thoughts on online dating to share with the world? There’s a place for you on .SUCKS. Air those grievances from the battlefield and register your own domain today.